I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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