that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
