never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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