Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
