But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
