In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize