i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
