Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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