So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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