On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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