He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
