You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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