he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
