my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
