My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
