8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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