we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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