I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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