it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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