yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
