btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
