he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
