I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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