you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
