I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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