two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
