my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
