How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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