i just had sex bonerless
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
