I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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