i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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