stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
