Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
