You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
