We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
