Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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