your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
