So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
