my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
