Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You are the jesus of drinking
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
