i permit you to call me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize