omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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