Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize