I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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