U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
