So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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