I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
