the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
