He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
