so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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