i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
