she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize