i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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