yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
