you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
