U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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