I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
