This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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