I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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