the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
