Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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